Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Captain Marvel For Those Of Us Who Are Super Strong At Heart

Captain Marvel for the Y Shape

I used to be so irritated with Ms. Marvel. It harkens back to the old days when she was Mary Marvel, though I have been told that this does not count as Mary Marvel was Mary Batson and Captain Marvel's twin sister whom I really don't need to be ranting about. So instead we will look at Ms. Carol Danvers. Carol has always been a woman of some power. In the late 60's she was an officer in the Air Force. There are all kinds of back stories and origin stories that we could get into, but really that isn't the focus of today, the focus is instead on feeling empowered. I always feel better in a suit. Personally, the red power suits that so many women seem to drift toward seem both obvious and loud. I'm just not into that. Thankfully, I've always felt that navy blue pulses with a strong, quiet energy and it seems that Carol Danvers might agree with that.

A power suit doesn't have to be an obvious suit. It is a suit that makes YOU feel powerful and confident. People seem to forget that, sometimes. As I kind of despise matchy-matchy suits we are going to jump ahead to current times rather than stopping in the 80s. So, as a Y shape sometimes we need to embrace the fact that we have no hips or butt to speak of. Not like some of the other, curvier, shapes out there. It saddens me, but hey, you've got to rock what you've got and love it. Anyway, I went with highwaisted, slim cut trousers. We Y shapes tend to have awesome legs, might as well showcase it a bit. Match it with a relaxed top and a well fitted blazer and you suddenly look polished and put together. I chose a color blocked jacket with a lot of shape to still give the illusion of a nipped in waist, always nice to feel a bit feminine.

The real trick to a suit that makes you feel powerful (and pretty much every other outfit you may put on) is the accessories. In this case we are giving a salute to Carol Danvers and that means that we are going a bit red at the edges. Simple red pumps, because your shoes don't need to scream look at me any louder than a bright red already does. I like to keep my jewelry simple, for the most part, so dangly pretty earrings and a star ring (flashes back to the costume and has the added bonus of matching one of my tattoos)with no necklace because I quite honestly am iffy on necklaces when all of the collars are high, besides simplicity. Then, we add a purse. What woman's ensemble is complete without a purse? (a great many whom I am apparently friends with, as all of them think I am crazy for carting purses around every day) In this case we are giving a nod to old school Mary Marvel and the lightning strike on her costume. Even though she drove me nuts when I was reading her (my inner equalist at work, I'm sure) but she was the starting point.

Minimal makeup, simple hair. Remember, you look overdone with smokey eyes as well as bright lips. Wear the lipstick, it's easiest to upkeep, and just swipe on some mascara and look fresh for spring. Voila, an outfit for a day of boring meetings, though maybe not a board meeting, depending on where you work.

Captain Marvel for the plus sized "Y"

One of my favorite people in the whole world asked me for a Ms. Marvel outfit, and I realized I have been rather remiss about creating outfits for those of us who aren't built like twigs. I, myself, tend to waffle between plus size and "stadard" size (for which I mean smaller than a 16, not standardized sizing as no one in the US can seem to agree on what measurements are truly standard) and it's past time I work on that. Also, it irritates me that so many plus sized tops are shapeless and boring. It's getting better, but really. Also, why can't we have a Busty Ladies line of clothing? I've been threatening to make one for years and I'm honestly starting to think it would be a good idea. Those of you, blessed like me in the chesticle region, know how hard it is to get dresses and shirts that fit properly without just giving in and spending money (or in my case time) having alterations done. That's a rant for a later date, though.

A plus sized Y is an Apple shape. Cheerfully round and gaining weight around the tummy. Excuse me while I take a moment to glare at my own stomach for demanding more food and less abdominal crunches. Anyhow, you can't just dress an apple shape like a y shape, it doesn't work. Let me rephrase that, it could work, but it wouldn't be very flattering. Embrace your body! I have never met a woman I thought had a terrible body. I have met quite a few I wished dressed differently, though, and that is the problem.

With that in mind let's move on, shall we? A lot of people seem to think that all women over a size 14 seem to want straight legged pants that flare just a bit. This is false. I have awesome legs, and a lot of my larger sisters do as well. Curvy and muscled and no thighs because no hips because all our weight is in our tummy's and our bras. You know what this means? Properly fitted narrow legged pants. When you try on the pants they should be loose and comfortable around your legs, but not baggy. If they are baggy, especially around the hips, it will give you diaper butt and no one wants that. So, again, try on the pants. Pants are my least favorite thing to try on because so few of them work with my body type, but when you DO find that one cut in that one brand, it is almost like magic. You reach the pinnacle of relief and all the stress leaves you. I take it back, it is more like a fashion orgasm.

For the top I went with a pretty blue top that has butterfly sleeves (so very forgiving about not so firm upper arms) and a nice band at the bottom. It's meant to look looser than it is and gives the illusion that you are a size or two smaller than you are and wont cling to any rolls that may occur when you are bending over or slouching in your seat attempting not to look as bored as you feel. That could also just be me projecting my own feelings of boredom as that seems to be my day today.

A blazer is a tough thing for any woman over a size 4. It needs to hit you right at the hip, fit you right in the shoulders, the arms, and the bust, and it needs to button properly for your shape. That last bit? That's the tough one. Most blazers want to button up half way up your chest. This isn't actually a good thing for most women. All it does is pull and make you look boxy if it isn't fitted right, and if it is fitted right it makes your shoulders wider, your neck thicker, and if you have more than a C it might start to look a little like a naughty librarian in a skinemax flick. For the apple girls, you want your blazers to button just under your breasts. This will nip you in at the waist, elongate your neck, and wont make our wide shoulders seem more like they should belong to a linebacker. I picked one, in this case, that is current and kind of hip, I like the lack of a traditional collar and think it adds a little more of a style oomph to the outfit over all.

Accessories are accessories, people, and they are the lifeblood of all, no matter what size you are. So, red heels? Check. The star ring? Check. The awesome-tastic purse? Check. We will add a necklace, in this case, because there isn't as much interest on the blazer, and the red and gold echo back to the collar of Carol's Captain Marvel uniform. Do your nails something fun (why be boring?) and something simple with your hair. Again, do the bright lips and nude eyes, it's easier to upkeep the lips than the eye shadow. Simple, strong, confidant. Everyone's a bad ass in their own way, Stevie

Monday, May 5, 2014

The Trouble With Visiting Hoth

Sometimes you don’t even need to be all that sneaky in the work place to flaunt your geek. About a week and a half ago I was in Calgary, AB, Canada for the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo with FlipOn.TV (which is magical, let me tell you.) While I was there it began to snow. Now, for many people this is neither surprising, nor of much concern. For me, this was terrible. I am from Seattle, raised in the greater Puget Sound area, and snow is not normal. We Seattlites are bred in a cool climate that doesn’t usually go above 80 or below 45. It rains in the morning, it’s sunny in the afternoon, and should we get more than an inch of that terrifying frozen whiteness known as snow, we shut down operations and hide in her homes glaring with distrust. This is why Alaskans hate us.

So, snow. It was snowing in Calgary and it was cold. I don’t deal well with cold. In fact being cold makes me whiney and I have zero cartilage in my hips so it makes them hurt. So what do you do at a convention when you are wearing a thin t-shirt and jeans and seriously contemplating attacking the dude in the tauntan costume so you can steal it for your own? You take a break and head for the merch booths! I spotted welovefine first and wanted the tauntaun hoodie (it has intestines patterned inside and a light saber for a zipper pull!) but their hoodies, as I was advised before the wonderful man started helping me, were designed for Asians. I am not built like an Asian girl. I am 5’7” with practically nonexistent hips, wide shoulders, and a lot of bust. I wanted that hoodie, though. So I started with the XL. It’s the right length, the hood is long enough (and has little horns <3), and it zips fine over the stomach and stops under the boobs. XXL got a bit higher, but sadly, still didn’t work. That was the highest they went to, sadly enough, as they were out of 3XL. Cue my sad face.

I wandered off, having decided I needed something Star Wars related as all I could do was imagine myself freezing to death in the middle of the Calgary Stampede, a glittery white statue that the 501st could put on display beside their Han frozen in carbonite statue. I was seriously comparing it to Hoth and the snow wasn’t even sticking. Does this make sense? To me, yes. To those like me, probably. To those who deal with three foot drifts 4+ months out of the year? I am apparently a crazy person.

Anyhow, I journeyed across the vast expanse in search of an awesome, warm, and not overly expensive sweat shirt that I would wear more than just once. I like Star Wars well enough, seen all the movies, read most of the books (which are no longer canon, thank you Disney for making this more difficult to keep in a single timeline) and have a serious crush on R2D2, however I am nowhere near as crazy over it as my mother. Halfway through my search I realized that should I get this Star Wars sweater, my mother was likely to borrow it. By borrow, I really mean she was going to abscond off with it and cackle every time I asked her if I could have it back. This is understandable, I totally did that with her Brodeur Away Jersey. Whatever, though, she totally doesn’t even like the Devil’s, she just like Goalies. I, however, am a true fan. So there.

So basically, my search changed half way through to finding instead something that called to me. Something I would wear often and without any kind of regret. I started thinking “what if I could wear it to work” and not just on Friday when we can basically wear anything we want, either. I wanted something I could input into my Sneaky Geeky work wardrobe. I ended back up at welovefine. Those that know me know that I wear a LOT of sweaters. I love them, especially boyfriend sweaters, because I think they look adorable with all the dresses I like to wear and they keep me warm when I am cold. I had remembered something that had caught my eye when I was trying on the tauntan hoodie and when I went back it was there and they did have the 3XL! So I tried it on and I swam in it. Down to the 2X, still huge. Down to the XL. Big, but in the good way that meant I could wear it like a boyfriend sweater, which made sense because it was a men’s sweater. It was simple, brick red with black accents, and when it’s open you don’t even realize that it’s a geeky cardigan.

And then you button it up, and Deadpool happens. Oh, yes. This is now my favorite item of clothing. Deadpool happens to be my favorite Marvel character and now he can come with me to work every day. Thankfully now warm, Stevie

Thursday, May 1, 2014

In Honor of Nocking Point Wines - Have a little Sneaky Geeky Arrow!

For my Hipless Ladies - Please enjoy this Arrow inspired ensemble!
"Arrow" Y-Shape

And this one is for my gals with the junk in the trunk!
"Arrow" Pear Shape

If cupid's late, grab an arrow and shoot your man or woman in the ass, Stevie